Ad hoc, ad loc, and quid pro quo! So little time! So much to know!

So, for those who haven't seen my Twitter, I got fired this past Friday. I was given an extremely vague and unhelpful warning during a mini-performance review (a few weeks before) saying that I needed to back off and not ask so many questions, so I did, and then this past Friday I was told that "people still had concerns" (it never got more specific than that) and that it just wasn't working out in general. In short, as best I can understand it, I got fired because I was too new, not learning the ropes fast enough, and everyone was supposedly too busy to train me properly.

I think my favorite part of this, however, is the fact that it happened four days before I would have been legally eligible for unemployment benefits and, subsequently, my (ex) boss would have been forced to provide a detailed explanation for why I was fired.

I consider myself a fairly tough person and I've made it through my fair share of setbacks -- hell, I'll probably make it through this one too -- but really, a person can only handle so many disappointments at one time. How the fuck am I supposed to pay for PTA school or graduate school now? :/

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"There is no wealth but life..." -- John Ruskin

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Cheers.

Number of hospital jobs applied to in the last week: 4
Number of previous for which I'm qualified: 4
Number of jobs that have called me back since previous: 0
Number of hours spent wallowing in haze of self-loathing over previous: Can't count that high


Why won't anyone hire meeeeee?

Unemployment sucks, kids, the numbers don't lie.

That being said, have a Stark video to make up for this brief moment of whining. ( Cut to prevent autoplay and formatting wonkiness )

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"What is easy is seldom excellent…" -- Samuel Johnson

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Cheers.

Attention, fandom friends I know on Facebook:

Since I am currently working on acquiring a longterm/full-time job, I've been told by several different people that it would be wise for me to "clean up" my Facebook as much as possible, including at least one person telling me I should distance it from my "other internet activities" (which, I'm guessing, means fandom). People insist on telling me over and over that employers check these things now so, in the interest of appeasing various adults in my life and in securing a possible future that doesn't include me as a broke deadbeat...

I'm doing a friends cut on Facebook. Of just fandom friends.

This only matters to like four people here, but I wanted to make a post about it to tell you that a) it isn't anything personal and b) I'll still be here and on Twitter (and on Skype if anyone feels so inclined).

Sadly, this also means I won't be talking much about what goes on on Facebook anymore, at least until I get less paranoid, and I won't be reachable in fandom mode through Facebook anymore in the future.

Now if anyone needs me, I'll just be over here feeling fucking godawful about this even though it's for perfectly logical reasons and not me being a huge bitch

(Hint: This is why I never have and never will do a flist cut on here)

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"He that hopes no good fears no ill..." -- Thomas Fuller

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Cheers.

As the title suggests, I've decided to put this journal on a temporary hiatus -- a week or two at the most. My muse is stuck (again) so I have nothing fannish to contribute, and nothing noteworthy is happening in my RL that wouldn't end in a spectacular amount of whining. What's more, I barely have enough energy to drag myself out of bed to go to work/class every day (and act relatively normal once there), much less for anything complicated like studying or internetting.

I'll still make an effort to keep up with my flist, but I just don't have it in me to do anything else right now. I'm sorry, y'all.

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"Test fast, fail fast, adjust fast..." -- Tom Peters

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Cheers.

ETA: To those of you with fics I agreed to beta (I can think of at least two off the top of my head) -- I'll still do it (I promised I would), so send me your drafts whenever you're ready and I'll check them over ASAP.

Random observation of the day: I've gotten really distressingly good at pretending to be happy/normal in spite of how crappy I feel inside. Funnier still, I'm pretty good at this in spite of the fact that I'm an absolutely crap liar otherwise.

My sincerest apologies for letting so much time go by without an update. I promise I'm physically okay, I've just been putting all my energy into staying relatively functional which, in turn, doesn't leave a whole lot of drive to update this thing. Not to mention that I just haven't really had anything to report. To sum up the last week or so:

- Thanksgiving dinner with La (Extended) Famille was equal parts depressing and chock full of schadenfreude. Dad's side of the family is full of snooty (by varying degrees) rich people who have all kinds of drama going on with each other but they're too well-bred and repressed to say anything about it so much backhanded shit abounds as a result.
- Went to a local renaissance festival with La Famille and generally enjoyed the people-watching. For instance, I saw a guy in a full Star Wars storm trooper outfit who was also wearing a kilt. No joke. Plus a lot of Assassin's Creed outfits, which is probably the new fad (it was Jack Sparrow costumes in previous years).
- Spent the rest of the time doing as little as humanly possible in an attempt to recharge my batteries a bit

See what I mean? Not a whole lot to report.

In the mean time, any advice from those of y'all with similar mood disorders (bipolar, depression, etc.) would be sincerely appreciated. It's gotten bad enough a couple of times now that I've honest-to-God considered drinking again, potential negative interactions with my meds be damned. It would probably help me sleep better, if nothing else -- none of this sleep-constantly-and-still-wake-up-exhausted bullshit.

Yes, I know I should call my shrink, I'm working up to that

Aaand that's enough whining about myself. I hope things are going okay for y'all at least (I may not have posted much recently but I do make an effort to read through my flist each day anyway).

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"Keep up appearances whatever you do..." -- Charles Dickens

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Cheers.

P.S. - Can someone please explain Cyber Monday to me? I've heard of Black Friday about a million times over the years, but I've never heard of Cyber Monday until this year.

So, as some of you might have noticed, I've been sweating a lot over getting my internship for next term sorted out. In dealing with all this crap, I've found myself thinking about the (somewhat more) immediate future lately, and so far all it's doing is giving me a massive tension headache.

( This got kind of ramble-tastic... )

Now let's pretend I'm not in a giant slump/funk and flash forward to a few years when I might be allowed to do something I actually give a shit about. I find myself at something of a crossroads on what precisely I want to do.

( This thought process can also be called 'yet another sign it's time to step away from fandom for a while'... )

*sigh* I don't know if it's my hormones/brain chemistry going out of whack again or what, but it's getting harder to make myself get out of bed and keep pushing through all this shit. I'll probably get over it (I usually do), but these days I'm just so fucking tired...

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"All great achievements require time..." -- Maya Angelou

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Cheers.

I stayed home from class yesterday to meet the cable guys (I had to since I don't have a car and Le Boyfriend needed his for student teaching). They eventually came and, after four fucking hours and some "technical difficulties" (don't even ask me to explain), what do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

Well, unless you count all the cable now bolted to my wall as something. I don't because NONE OF IT FUCKING DOES ANYTHING, but that might just be me.

So now the short and the short of it is that I STILL won't have internet at Le Flat until this coming Saturday at some point between 12:00 and 4:00 p.m. Until then, I'm stuck with phone email (read only *sigh*)/Twitter and on campus internet, plus the flickering unsecured signal that occasionally pops up from somewhere in my apartment complex.



I hate to sound whiny like this, but is it so unreasonable to wish that something would go right just once? Just to balance out all the bullshit? I know this isn't so bad in the larger scheme of things (I have a place to live, etc.), but it's making work/school/painless existence virtually impossible.

ETA: H'okay, to make up for the seriously whiny nature of this post, I watched and took notes on the Glee season premiere (on the off chance anyone is interested in my thoughts on it):

Glee 3x01 ( The Purple Piano Project )


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"Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real..." -- Tupac Shakur

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Cheers.

Update on the Cardiac Stress Testing Lab o' Doom: The prof emailed me back and said that I'll still have to run at least the first couple of stages of the test, but that instead of making me push until I hit my max heart rate, I'll only have to do about half that (translation: easy). Mercifully, she seemed very understanding instead of dismissing my paranoia out of hand (like I was afraid she was going to), so all's well that ends well in that respect.

In other news, the movers are coming on Saturday. I've barely started packing and Le Boyfriend hasn't started at all. I don't have the spoons to handle all this shit by myself and deal with my classes, but I'm not sure how to bring this up to him without turning into a crying, ranting mess.



This is why two lazy people (one of whom also happens to be crazy) dating/living together can occasionally cause problems. Hell, not only do I not have the spoons to deal with all this extra crap, I barely have enough in me to get out of bed and go to class these days.

Urgh, sorry to mope at y'all, I promise I usually try not to do this too often. Please feel free to spam me with mancandy or silly gifs or whatever, any little bit of cheering up would help at this point.

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"Only the educated are free..." -- Epictetus

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Cheers.

P.S. - I've been meaning to add some of y'all on Twitter because you keep coming up in my "Who To Follow" thingy, so don't freak out if any of you are suddenly followed by @AlleyCat_Allie -- that's just me.

Dear La Famille,

I understand your desire for me to handle the nuts and bolts of terminating my current flat lease and setting up my new one (which, among other things, involves a LOT of talking on the phone), but I'm really tired of y'all waiting until I get off the phone to tell me that I said something wrong (or didn't say something I needed to, etc). The whole "Here, I'll do it *snatches phone away*" is pretty fucking irritating too. I'm aware that I suck at being a responsible adult, but I'm probably not going to learn unless people tell me how to fix what I'm doing wrong instead of just saying that I did something wrong in general. Consider working on that?

Yours in frustration,
emerald_skies (who, at the moment, is almost kind of missing being 17 and responsibility-free by this point)


On top of all this moving out shit, I still have to pack to head back up to university-land on Sunday, to pick up my vicious trained attack kitten from the vet tomorrow, and I still have to order my fucking textbooks.



I would write to make myself feel better, but my muse has fucked off too. My life, SO FUCKING HARD.

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"History is a vast early warning system..." -- Norman Cousins

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Cheers.

P.S. - Not to mention the fact that I'm trying to re-route some of my budget to get new headphones since my current ones broke (due to possible cat predations). AUGH.

Um, this might go poorly for me in a ghost-town-ish sort of way, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Basically, I got this love meme thing from lemniciate:

THIS IS WHY YOU'RE GREAT!

My thread is here, any and all comments would be appreciated, even if it's something small like "I think your gif collection is awesome". It's been one of those days, y'know, so maybe this will help, Idk. If you guys wind up doing this too, link me to your threads so I can love on y'all in return?

Anyway, meme-age!

Day Six: When you write, do you prefer writing male or female characters?

If it's existing canon characters, I'm perfectly fine with both. I suppose I'm better at writing male characters (seven-ish years of writing slash will do that to a person), but I'm perfectly cool with tackling both. When it comes to OCs, I try to stick to guys because the unconscious temptation to turn them into self-inserts isn't quite as bad there.

That being said, have a Fassbender gif:


I'll be off working on fic and things for my online classes. Anyone who wants to come wave pom poms at me or something is welcome :)

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"I am a lie who always speaks the truth..." -- Jean Cocteau

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Cheers.

P.S. - Donuts fucking rock. Bad for the body, but oh so very good for the soul *om nom nom*