Ad hoc, ad loc, and quid pro quo! So little time! So much to know!

It freaking figures that the one time I agree to beta someone's fic is the same time my brain chemistry starts to go out of whack again AND people keep asking me to do things IRL. Said wacky brain chemistry, among other things, makes running basic errands, doing requisite amounts of socializing, and other things expected of a functioning adult suddenly become utterly exhausting -- especially things that fill me with crushing anxiety anyway, like my continuing job hunt. Things like job hunting tend to be exhausting for someone who views making phone calls to strangers with a level of crushing anxiety typically reserved for public speaking and exceptionally large insects.

The only bright side is that, through unbelievable stubbornness, I'm making slow but steady headway on said beta work in spite of the whirling tempest of suck going on in my head. There may be some hope for me yet, internets.

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"Courage is found in unlikely places…" -- J. R. R. Tolkien

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Cheers.

P.S. - I've seen Resident Evil: Retribution, House at the End of the Street (twice), and End of Watch recently, and might even write reviews of them someday when my brain unfucks itself.

P.P.S. - La Famille has gotten me into watching Treme, which is just as horribly addicting as pretty much every other show HBO produces

P.P.P.S. - …still unemployed. Fuck.

Attention, fandom friends I know on Facebook:

Since I am currently working on acquiring a longterm/full-time job, I've been told by several different people that it would be wise for me to "clean up" my Facebook as much as possible, including at least one person telling me I should distance it from my "other internet activities" (which, I'm guessing, means fandom). People insist on telling me over and over that employers check these things now so, in the interest of appeasing various adults in my life and in securing a possible future that doesn't include me as a broke deadbeat...

I'm doing a friends cut on Facebook. Of just fandom friends.

This only matters to like four people here, but I wanted to make a post about it to tell you that a) it isn't anything personal and b) I'll still be here and on Twitter (and on Skype if anyone feels so inclined).

Sadly, this also means I won't be talking much about what goes on on Facebook anymore, at least until I get less paranoid, and I won't be reachable in fandom mode through Facebook anymore in the future.

Now if anyone needs me, I'll just be over here feeling fucking godawful about this even though it's for perfectly logical reasons and not me being a huge bitch

(Hint: This is why I never have and never will do a flist cut on here)

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"He that hopes no good fears no ill..." -- Thomas Fuller

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Cheers.

Sigh. Let me tell you, internets, the last few days have been crazy, culminating in the giant clusterfuck that was yesterday in its entirety. For starters, I've had a pretty nasty cough for the last couple of days and it finally succeeded in making my voice give out last night. I now sound like I've been smoking like a chimney for thirty years. I could go on to mention the test I had this morning, or how my normally 20-25 minute drive home from my internship took JUST OVER AN HOUR last night because of a fucking car wreck on the freeway, but then we'd be here all day. Instead, have some rambling about my internship!

( My physical therapy knowledge is pastede on yay )

On a tangentially related note, it's always deeply depressing to realize that you know how to work/interact with patients better than your professor. My Obesity & Weight Management professor has been rambling on about eating pattern problems and shit (eating a ton at dinner because you didn't eat in the afternoon, blah blah blah) and she never once mentions taking peoples' differing circumstances into account. Some people (*raises hand*) just don't have time to eat in the afternoon. A good healthcare professional of any stripe should understand that everyone is different -- I don't get why this is so fucking hard for some people to understand in my line of work.

ANYWAY, I'm now over the worst of my week in terms of workload, I just have to make it through the next four hours of classes...and my afternoon shift at work. I'm only running on five hours of sleep. And I get to go to a morning staff meeting (for my tutoring job) on Saturday.



I JUST WANT TO SIT AROUND AND WATCH MAD MEN ON NETFLIX FOR HOURS AT A TIME, IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK? IT'S LIKE THE THINGS NEVER END.

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"Change before you have to..." -- Jack Welch

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Cheers.

Oof, the things I would give to get my words back. Well, more specifically, words unrelated to my goddamn motherfucking stupid Strength & Conditioning paper. The class is boring as shit and I hate the professor and WHY ISN'T THE SEMESTER OVER YET ARGH

In other news, it's T-minus one week to finals (and two weeks until Le Boyfriend graduates from uni), and all I want to do is sleep and read my now-complete collection of Chuck Paolini books (I bought the last Inheritance series book).

...*flop*

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"In fair Weather prepare for foul..." -- Thomas Fuller

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Cheers.

P.S. - My cat got up the fireplace earlier, so Le Boyfriend and I wound up having to give her a bath. I'll die a happy woman if I never have to hear horrible Eldritch howls like that again. Also? She managed to latch her teeth onto my throat in her struggles to escape the tub. I'm okay, but holy shiny metallic JESUS that hurt x_x

P.P.S. - My birthday is in almost exactly two weeks. Why does it seem like only yesterday that I was eagerly counting down to the Great New York Adventure from my last birthday? Where does the time go?

You know your life is deeply, deeply sad when the only thing that doesn't actively suck about it is your job. Basically, this entire week has been one giant headache after another and I can't really see it letting up any time soon. Some examples:

1) Due to a mistake on my calendar a couple of weeks ago, a test I thought I was going to have tomorrow (Thursday) turned out to be yesterday (Tuesday). Fortunately I figured this out the night before and the class itself isn't terrifically hard, but still...

2) Remember that internship where I thought the interview might just be a formality for a job I already got? It wasn't. I interviewed and just found out I didn't get the job -- in essence, my quest for an internship continues.

3) I've had to channel my inner hardass to an unbelievable degree in the last week or so to force the USELESS members of my stupid group project to get their collective rears in gear. The project is due on Friday and we finished most of it today, so it might not be a total disaster, but I'm not especially optimistic at this point.

So yeah, between that and miscellaneous drama that I don't really have the energy to outline right now, shit pretty much sucks all around. I'm sorely tempted to crawl into bed and stay there until life stops sucking. Anyone else feel similar? Misery does love company, after all...

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"Mistakes are portals of discovery..." -- James Joyce

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Cheers.

I stayed home from class yesterday to meet the cable guys (I had to since I don't have a car and Le Boyfriend needed his for student teaching). They eventually came and, after four fucking hours and some "technical difficulties" (don't even ask me to explain), what do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

Well, unless you count all the cable now bolted to my wall as something. I don't because NONE OF IT FUCKING DOES ANYTHING, but that might just be me.

So now the short and the short of it is that I STILL won't have internet at Le Flat until this coming Saturday at some point between 12:00 and 4:00 p.m. Until then, I'm stuck with phone email (read only *sigh*)/Twitter and on campus internet, plus the flickering unsecured signal that occasionally pops up from somewhere in my apartment complex.



I hate to sound whiny like this, but is it so unreasonable to wish that something would go right just once? Just to balance out all the bullshit? I know this isn't so bad in the larger scheme of things (I have a place to live, etc.), but it's making work/school/painless existence virtually impossible.

ETA: H'okay, to make up for the seriously whiny nature of this post, I watched and took notes on the Glee season premiere (on the off chance anyone is interested in my thoughts on it):

Glee 3x01 ( The Purple Piano Project )


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"Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real..." -- Tupac Shakur

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Cheers.

Oof. Internets, for those who don't know, pretending to be a responsible adult fucking sucks. Between the moving and my job (which I'll talk about in a minute) and preparing to deal with having my first pet that I'm in charge of and just...university shit in general? I'm dying. Dying.

For one thing, remember that car wreck I mentioned that Le Boyfriend and I were in a few days ago? Well, the people involved finally filed their insurance claim, except in this instance they claimed two people in their car were injured. Even though Le Boyfriend and La Famille asked repeatedly at the time if everyone was all right and everyone said yes.



On account of my chosen vocation, I know how people generally move if they're hurt somehow -- these people weren't moving/acting like they were hurt. So, it essentially appears that we're being swindled, which leaves Le Boyfriend stuck dealing with the claims adjusters and shit on top of everything else that's been going on lately *facepalm*

On the bright side, my first day of tutoring work (yesterday) went by without much excitement, and I even managed to make it through my shift without weeping for the slow death of the English language, not even once. The only hitch was that it felt pretty fucking weird to tell graduate students what to do with their papers and actually have them listen to me. People with at LEAST four years on me were taking me seriously O_o

In unrelated (but similarly boggling news), I was emoting to La Famille last night about how much it sucks not to have internet -- both for obvious reasons and because I really do need it for school -- and then I got an email this morning saying they're considering buying me a Verizon mobile hotspot. Basically, something I can plug into my computer and then boom, instant internet, no matter where I am.

I'm stunned, internets. I was already aware of these mobile hotspot things and I do secretly covet the shit out of them, but I wasn't even going to think of asking for one since all this moving crap is already turning out to be amazingly expensive. Please excuse me while I sit around and wait for the other proverbial shoe to drop; nothing this good ever randomly happens to me without some sort of catch.

ETA: I was right! La Famille contacted me again and said to forget about it because we discovered that there's a mandatory obscenely expensive data plan that comes with said mobile wi-fi. As in 2 years minimum at $50 a month, no matter how much (or little) the thing gets used. FUCK. THAT. SHIT.

Finally, is anyone else morbidly intrigued by the upcoming Twilight movie? I've been seeing trailers for it all over creation lately and it looks so cracktastically insane that I just might have to look into watching it (with a free movie ticket or something, because it'll be a cold day in Hell before I pay to see one of those monstrosities). Maybe I'll drag Le Boyfriend into it so we can Rifftrax the shit out of it -- could be fun, right?

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"We fear the thing we want the most..." -- Robert Anthony

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Cheers.

P.S. - The air conditioning at Le (New) Flat is still broken. STILL *sob* This is Not A Good Thing when the daily highs still keep hovering around the triple digits.

P.P.S. - Anyone else who's feeling especially downtrodden by life lately is welcome to commiserate with me. After all, misery does love company!

Things That Suck vol. 4,012: Having a bunch of "pretending to be an adult" shit to do when you're in a spectacularly low mood and want nothing more than to sleep until things improve (even just a little).

It doesn't help that I can't even write to make myself feel better because my muse is still off on walkabout. Seriously, I tried to write some anyway and none of it sounded right -- I came dangerously close to throwing my laptop in frustration which, pathetically enough, would probably break my poor internet-addicted brain.

Bright sides (in a feeble attempt to make myself feel better):

1) My East coast flisties all appear to be alive and kicking
2) I have new headphones (with surprisingly good sound quality)
3) The GK re-watch yesterday was really, really fun and managed to cheer me up for a little while (I love this fandom, seriously)
4) looleebelle gave me this ( Stark picture I've never seen before )
(In the midst of an epic picspam war on Twitter, no less)

If I keep feeling this bad for too much longer, I may have to call Le Shrink and bring up the possibility that my meds aren't really working anymore. Basically, more "pretending to be an adult" stuff *facepalm*

Here, have a silly gif to make up for the whining


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"Only the shallow know themselves..." -- Oscar Wilde

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Cheers.

Dear La Famille,

I understand your desire for me to handle the nuts and bolts of terminating my current flat lease and setting up my new one (which, among other things, involves a LOT of talking on the phone), but I'm really tired of y'all waiting until I get off the phone to tell me that I said something wrong (or didn't say something I needed to, etc). The whole "Here, I'll do it *snatches phone away*" is pretty fucking irritating too. I'm aware that I suck at being a responsible adult, but I'm probably not going to learn unless people tell me how to fix what I'm doing wrong instead of just saying that I did something wrong in general. Consider working on that?

Yours in frustration,
emerald_skies (who, at the moment, is almost kind of missing being 17 and responsibility-free by this point)


On top of all this moving out shit, I still have to pack to head back up to university-land on Sunday, to pick up my vicious trained attack kitten from the vet tomorrow, and I still have to order my fucking textbooks.



I would write to make myself feel better, but my muse has fucked off too. My life, SO FUCKING HARD.

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"History is a vast early warning system..." -- Norman Cousins

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Cheers.

P.S. - Not to mention the fact that I'm trying to re-route some of my budget to get new headphones since my current ones broke (due to possible cat predations). AUGH.

Argh, I think playing in the GK fandom sandbox has given me a permanent inferiority complex about my porn writing abilities. Everyone else is so goddamn amazing at it that I'm just like "...well fuck, how am I supposed to compare to THAT?!" followed by much anguish and rending of garments.

Anyone else have this problem from time to time, or am I just neurotic and insane?

...*crickets*

Just neurotic and insane? Okay then.

In other news, the Google Earth car (with its little ball of camera lenses on a stick) drove by my house this morning. If I suddenly disappear within the next couple of days, I think it's safe to assume that Skynet has finally come for me and I've become another casualty in humanity's continuing war with the machines.

Yeah, it's been one of those days. Anyway, meme!

Day Nineteen: When you have bunnies, do you sit down and start writing right away, or do you write down the idea for further use?

Depends on how fleshed out the bunny is when it hops into my head (horrible pun fully intended). If it's one of those perfect, movie-esque scene in my head kind of deals then yeah, I sit down and start writing right off the bat. If it's just a random line or snippet though, I just jot it down on a Sticky and then spend the rest of the day playing around with the idea in my head.

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"Be happy. It's one way of being wise..." -- Colette

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Cheers.

P.S. - ASkars is coming to San Diego Comic Con. WHY MUST I BE HALFWAY ACROSS THE COUNTRY AND TOO BROKE TO REMEDY THIS SITUATION?!



Lol first world problems.