emerald_skies: (Die!))
So, for those who haven't seen my Twitter, I got fired this past Friday. I was given an extremely vague and unhelpful warning during a mini-performance review (a few weeks before) saying that I needed to back off and not ask so many questions, so I did, and then this past Friday I was told that "people still had concerns" (it never got more specific than that) and that it just wasn't working out in general. In short, as best I can understand it, I got fired because I was too new, not learning the ropes fast enough, and everyone was supposedly too busy to train me properly.

I think my favorite part of this, however, is the fact that it happened four days before I would have been legally eligible for unemployment benefits and, subsequently, my (ex) boss would have been forced to provide a detailed explanation for why I was fired.

I consider myself a fairly tough person and I've made it through my fair share of setbacks -- hell, I'll probably make it through this one too -- but really, a person can only handle so many disappointments at one time. How the fuck am I supposed to pay for PTA school or graduate school now? :/

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"There is no wealth but life..." -- John Ruskin

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
It freaking figures that the one time I agree to beta someone's fic is the same time my brain chemistry starts to go out of whack again AND people keep asking me to do things IRL. Said wacky brain chemistry, among other things, makes running basic errands, doing requisite amounts of socializing, and other things expected of a functioning adult suddenly become utterly exhausting -- especially things that fill me with crushing anxiety anyway, like my continuing job hunt. Things like job hunting tend to be exhausting for someone who views making phone calls to strangers with a level of crushing anxiety typically reserved for public speaking and exceptionally large insects.

The only bright side is that, through unbelievable stubbornness, I'm making slow but steady headway on said beta work in spite of the whirling tempest of suck going on in my head. There may be some hope for me yet, internets.

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"Courage is found in unlikely places…" -- J. R. R. Tolkien

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Cheers.

P.S. - I've seen Resident Evil: Retribution, House at the End of the Street (twice), and End of Watch recently, and might even write reviews of them someday when my brain unfucks itself.

P.P.S. - La Famille has gotten me into watching Treme, which is just as horribly addicting as pretty much every other show HBO produces

P.P.P.S. - …still unemployed. Fuck.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Number of hospital jobs applied to in the last week: 4
Number of previous for which I'm qualified: 4
Number of jobs that have called me back since previous: 0
Number of hours spent wallowing in haze of self-loathing over previous: Can't count that high

Photobucket
Why won't anyone hire meeeeee?

Unemployment sucks, kids, the numbers don't lie.

That being said, have a Stark video to make up for this brief moment of whining. Cut to prevent autoplay and formatting wonkiness )

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"What is easy is seldom excellent…" -- Samuel Johnson

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Random RL Story: I almost called the cops on my temporary neighbors (explanation later in post) because someone somewhere on the block was running their weed whacker at 4:30 this morning. The only thing that stopped me was the realization that dealing with all of that would involve more staying awake than I was willing to do at the time. Unfortunately, by the time I reached this decision, being so hacked off at whoever it was left me too energized to go back to sleep.

Photobucket

ANYWAY.

Ugh, good lord, how do I go from posting 4 times in one week to zero in just over a week? I couldn't even pull something fannish off the top of my head just to give some sign I'm alive. On a more interesting (in theory) note…

Things I've done:

Saw Prometheus
Saw Brave (twice and OH GOD SO MANY #FEELINGZ)
Started Breaking Bad (the irony of how addicting it is isn't lost on me)

Things I plan to do:

See Magic Mike
See Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (even though I heard it sucks)
See The Dark Knight Rises
Catch up on True Blood
Catch up on The Borgias
Pack for family vacation to Mountainous Bumfuck, Colorado

I realize I've been shit at keeping up an active presence on LJ lately and rest assured, internets, I'm doing my best to get better at it. I'm not busy anymore, I'm mostly just depressed and sleep deprived and the only remotely eventful thing going on in my life right now involves house-sitting for some family friends. Seriously.

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"Don’t tell me what to feel. All my fucking life, people have been telling me I do things wrong. I’m always the fucking asshole. I look around and I see everybody else is infinitely more fucked up than I am." -- Hank Moody, Californication

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Attention, fandom friends I know on Facebook:

Since I am currently working on acquiring a longterm/full-time job, I've been told by several different people that it would be wise for me to "clean up" my Facebook as much as possible, including at least one person telling me I should distance it from my "other internet activities" (which, I'm guessing, means fandom). People insist on telling me over and over that employers check these things now so, in the interest of appeasing various adults in my life and in securing a possible future that doesn't include me as a broke deadbeat...

I'm doing a friends cut on Facebook. Of just fandom friends.

This only matters to like four people here, but I wanted to make a post about it to tell you that a) it isn't anything personal and b) I'll still be here and on Twitter (and on Skype if anyone feels so inclined).

Sadly, this also means I won't be talking much about what goes on on Facebook anymore, at least until I get less paranoid, and I won't be reachable in fandom mode through Facebook anymore in the future.

Now if anyone needs me, I'll just be over here feeling fucking godawful about this even though it's for perfectly logical reasons and not me being a huge bitch
Photobucket
(Hint: This is why I never have and never will do a flist cut on here)

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"He that hopes no good fears no ill..." -- Thomas Fuller

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Howdy doo, internets, just dropping in to give a brief update and assure y'all I'm still alive (the hiatus is otherwise still in effect until after my exams are over on Wednesday).

Things I've done in the past (almost) week:

1) Saw Hugo with Le Boyfriend. To copy my brief review from Facebook:

"Just got back from seeing Hugo w/ le boyfriend. Visually stunning, pretty entertaining (if a bit slow-paced) story, all-around enjoyable for movie lovers and those of us with vivid imaginations or especially active inner children. 8/10, definitely worth seeing."

2) Played literally hours of Angry Birds (it doesn't help that a gazillion new levels have been released -- I'm basically doomed to flunk out of university at this point).

3) Lined up a job for next semester (more tutoring stories!)

4) Played with my kitten, also for literally hours

5) Proofread other people's fic (at an inexcusably slow pace -- sorry, y'all)


Things I haven't done:

1) Study in a meaningful way for my finals (first one is tomorrow)

2) Finish my half-completed Strength & Conditioning term paper (due Wednesday)

3) Order my textbooks for next term

4) Call my shrink to sort out this bipolarcoaster mess


...in short, fuck all this "being a responsible adult" bullshit.

Anyway, I know y'all are probably sick to death of memes by now, but I noticed this Holiday Love Meme thing going around and decided to throw my metaphorical hat into the ring (I need all the morale boosts I can get right now *sigh*). My thread is here.

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"Fortune befriends the bold..." -- Emily Dickinson

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Cheers.

P.S. - My birthday is in a week and I'm torn on what to do as a birthday present to myself. Nose piercing or tattoo between my shoulderblades ("Everyone's heart doesn't beat the same"). Thoughts?

P.P.S. - Does anyone happen to have links lying around to the Idiots getting their carol on from last year? I want to post it on my Facebook as a retort to all the annoying fucks posting mall muzak versions of Christmas songs.
emerald_skies: (Default)
As the title suggests, I've decided to put this journal on a temporary hiatus -- a week or two at the most. My muse is stuck (again) so I have nothing fannish to contribute, and nothing noteworthy is happening in my RL that wouldn't end in a spectacular amount of whining. What's more, I barely have enough energy to drag myself out of bed to go to work/class every day (and act relatively normal once there), much less for anything complicated like studying or internetting.

I'll still make an effort to keep up with my flist, but I just don't have it in me to do anything else right now. I'm sorry, y'all.

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"Test fast, fail fast, adjust fast..." -- Tom Peters

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Cheers.

ETA: To those of you with fics I agreed to beta (I can think of at least two off the top of my head) -- I'll still do it (I promised I would), so send me your drafts whenever you're ready and I'll check them over ASAP.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Oof, the things I would give to get my words back. Well, more specifically, words unrelated to my goddamn motherfucking stupid Strength & Conditioning paper. The class is boring as shit and I hate the professor and WHY ISN'T THE SEMESTER OVER YET ARGH

In other news, it's T-minus one week to finals (and two weeks until Le Boyfriend graduates from uni), and all I want to do is sleep and read my now-complete collection of Chuck Paolini books (I bought the last Inheritance series book).

...*flop*

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"In fair Weather prepare for foul..." -- Thomas Fuller

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Cheers.

P.S. - My cat got up the fireplace earlier, so Le Boyfriend and I wound up having to give her a bath. I'll die a happy woman if I never have to hear horrible Eldritch howls like that again. Also? She managed to latch her teeth onto my throat in her struggles to escape the tub. I'm okay, but holy shiny metallic JESUS that hurt x_x

P.P.S. - My birthday is in almost exactly two weeks. Why does it seem like only yesterday that I was eagerly counting down to the Great New York Adventure from my last birthday? Where does the time go?
emerald_skies: (Default)
Random observation of the day: I've gotten really distressingly good at pretending to be happy/normal in spite of how crappy I feel inside. Funnier still, I'm pretty good at this in spite of the fact that I'm an absolutely crap liar otherwise.

My sincerest apologies for letting so much time go by without an update. I promise I'm physically okay, I've just been putting all my energy into staying relatively functional which, in turn, doesn't leave a whole lot of drive to update this thing. Not to mention that I just haven't really had anything to report. To sum up the last week or so:

- Thanksgiving dinner with La (Extended) Famille was equal parts depressing and chock full of schadenfreude. Dad's side of the family is full of snooty (by varying degrees) rich people who have all kinds of drama going on with each other but they're too well-bred and repressed to say anything about it so much backhanded shit abounds as a result.
- Went to a local renaissance festival with La Famille and generally enjoyed the people-watching. For instance, I saw a guy in a full Star Wars storm trooper outfit who was also wearing a kilt. No joke. Plus a lot of Assassin's Creed outfits, which is probably the new fad (it was Jack Sparrow costumes in previous years).
- Spent the rest of the time doing as little as humanly possible in an attempt to recharge my batteries a bit

See what I mean? Not a whole lot to report.

In the mean time, any advice from those of y'all with similar mood disorders (bipolar, depression, etc.) would be sincerely appreciated. It's gotten bad enough a couple of times now that I've honest-to-God considered drinking again, potential negative interactions with my meds be damned. It would probably help me sleep better, if nothing else -- none of this sleep-constantly-and-still-wake-up-exhausted bullshit.

Yes, I know I should call my shrink, I'm working up to that

Aaand that's enough whining about myself. I hope things are going okay for y'all at least (I may not have posted much recently but I do make an effort to read through my flist each day anyway).

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"Keep up appearances whatever you do..." -- Charles Dickens

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Cheers.

P.S. - Can someone please explain Cyber Monday to me? I've heard of Black Friday about a million times over the years, but I've never heard of Cyber Monday until this year.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Howdy doo, internets. Yes, I'm alive, I've just been in a rather spectacular brain chemistry slump lately. I've barely gotten out of bed over the last three days or so, and I spent a distressing amount of all that time in bed absolutely dead to the world. I think my Twitter sums it up pretty nicely )

My last slump lasted for two and a half months. I hope this one is a bit shorter (assuming it's not an extension of the last one), because I really don't have the spoons to deal with calling my shrink to tell him about this -- and to deal with the ensuing shitstorm with my nearest and dearest.

...Crikey if Stark's singing doesn't help though *wistful sigh*
Photobucket
Appropriate gif is appropriate

But enough whining, on to my next piece of news; [livejournal.com profile] looleebelle and I kinda sorta finished Hourglass (that fic we wrote for [livejournal.com profile] pjvilar ). It's pretty good, if the comments so far are anything to go by.

Title: Hourglass
Rating: NC-17
Author(s): [livejournal.com profile] looleebelle and [livejournal.com profile] emerald_skies
Pairing/Characters: Brad/Nate; ensemble, OFC, OMC.
Word Count: 15,650 SEE?! EVERY FIC I TOUCH TURNS INTO A BEHEMOTH
Warnings/Spoilers: Warnings for drug abuse, suicide, language, racial/sexist slurs, supernatural themes; Spoilers for mentions of various episodes of Generation Kill, however this is wildly AU!fic. We've also taken some vast liberties in using some Spanish terms and referring to Islam and Native American spirituality, so while our research skills are generally kick-ass, we are neither Spanish, Islamic or Native American. Please let us know if there are any glaring, cringe-inducing errors.
Disclaimer: Based on the HBO mini-series 'Generation Kill', and the characters portrayed by the actors. Not based on real events, this didn't happen. No offense intended, not ours, no profit here - don't sue.
A.N.: Out of a prompt from [livejournal.com profile] pjvilar at [livejournal.com profile] generation_kill's 96: A Generation Kill Halloween Fic Fest, who wanted 'Nate makes a deal with the devil'. Beta-read by authors.

Summary: Nate never considered how much time they wasted fighting for things that didn't matter until his time started running out.

Master post this-a-way

...ugh, I don't think I'll ever stop seeing formatting as a giant pain in the ass. Oh well, hope y'all like the fic, that's pretty much all I've got for now. I hope all is well out there in internet land <3

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"Nostalgia isn't what it used to be..." -- Peter De Vries

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
So, as some of you might have noticed, I've been sweating a lot over getting my internship for next term sorted out. In dealing with all this crap, I've found myself thinking about the (somewhat more) immediate future lately, and so far all it's doing is giving me a massive tension headache.

This got kind of ramble-tastic... )

Now let's pretend I'm not in a giant slump/funk and flash forward to a few years when I might be allowed to do something I actually give a shit about. I find myself at something of a crossroads on what precisely I want to do.

This thought process can also be called 'yet another sign it's time to step away from fandom for a while'... )

*sigh* I don't know if it's my hormones/brain chemistry going out of whack again or what, but it's getting harder to make myself get out of bed and keep pushing through all this shit. I'll probably get over it (I usually do), but these days I'm just so fucking tired...

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"All great achievements require time..." -- Maya Angelou

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
You know your life is deeply, deeply sad when the only thing that doesn't actively suck about it is your job. Basically, this entire week has been one giant headache after another and I can't really see it letting up any time soon. Some examples:

1) Due to a mistake on my calendar a couple of weeks ago, a test I thought I was going to have tomorrow (Thursday) turned out to be yesterday (Tuesday). Fortunately I figured this out the night before and the class itself isn't terrifically hard, but still...

2) Remember that internship where I thought the interview might just be a formality for a job I already got? It wasn't. I interviewed and just found out I didn't get the job -- in essence, my quest for an internship continues.

3) I've had to channel my inner hardass to an unbelievable degree in the last week or so to force the USELESS members of my stupid group project to get their collective rears in gear. The project is due on Friday and we finished most of it today, so it might not be a total disaster, but I'm not especially optimistic at this point.

So yeah, between that and miscellaneous drama that I don't really have the energy to outline right now, shit pretty much sucks all around. I'm sorely tempted to crawl into bed and stay there until life stops sucking. Anyone else feel similar? Misery does love company, after all...

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"Mistakes are portals of discovery..." -- James Joyce

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Cheers.

Nothing

Sep. 27th, 2011 07:33 am
emerald_skies: (Default)
I stayed home from class yesterday to meet the cable guys (I had to since I don't have a car and Le Boyfriend needed his for student teaching). They eventually came and, after four fucking hours and some "technical difficulties" (don't even ask me to explain), what do I have to show for it?

Nothing.

Well, unless you count all the cable now bolted to my wall as something. I don't because NONE OF IT FUCKING DOES ANYTHING, but that might just be me.

So now the short and the short of it is that I STILL won't have internet at Le Flat until this coming Saturday at some point between 12:00 and 4:00 p.m. Until then, I'm stuck with phone email (read only *sigh*)/Twitter and on campus internet, plus the flickering unsecured signal that occasionally pops up from somewhere in my apartment complex.

Photobucket

I hate to sound whiny like this, but is it so unreasonable to wish that something would go right just once? Just to balance out all the bullshit? I know this isn't so bad in the larger scheme of things (I have a place to live, etc.), but it's making work/school/painless existence virtually impossible.

ETA: H'okay, to make up for the seriously whiny nature of this post, I watched and took notes on the Glee season premiere (on the off chance anyone is interested in my thoughts on it):

Glee 3x01 The Purple Piano Project )


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"Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real..." -- Tupac Shakur

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
So Le Boyfriend and I signed up for AT&T U-verse cable and interwebs yesterday, but the sales guy said a tech won't be able to come out and install everything for another two weeks. TWO WEEKS.

Photobucket

Universe, I despair of you. How am I supposed to deal with all this moving bullshit without internets to help me unwind so I don't start firing shots from the nearest clock tower?

While we were signing all the paper work and shit, a bird flew into the window and we were pretty sure it was dead -- it seemed like a fitting illustration of what the last couple of days have felt like. On the bright side, the bird eventually got up, slowly shook itself off, and flew away, so maybe that means things will start looking up soon. Fingers crossed.

Anyway, the short and the short of this whole internet thing is that I'll only be able to read emails and read/write on Twitter during a large chunk of the day (since I'll only have phone internet) and then I'll have normal internet while I'm going to class. Basically, please don't take it personally if it takes me forever to answer email/comments; it's nothing personal, I'm just stuck with this arrangement for the next little while *sigh*

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"Composing mortals with immortal fire..." -- W. H. Auden

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Cheers.

ETA: So my Strength & Conditioning professor was talking about body fat percentages today...

Professor: Blah blah blah blah the normal range for women these days is 16-30%, but I generally like my females to be on the lower end of that range (verbatim quote)
Guys in the class: Photobucket
Girls in the class: Photobucket
Me: Photobucket

The prof is a personal trainer when he's not molding our young minds so he claimed he meant his female clients, but still, talk about unfortunate word choice...
emerald_skies: (Default)
Update on the Cardiac Stress Testing Lab o' Doom: The prof emailed me back and said that I'll still have to run at least the first couple of stages of the test, but that instead of making me push until I hit my max heart rate, I'll only have to do about half that (translation: easy). Mercifully, she seemed very understanding instead of dismissing my paranoia out of hand (like I was afraid she was going to), so all's well that ends well in that respect.

In other news, the movers are coming on Saturday. I've barely started packing and Le Boyfriend hasn't started at all. I don't have the spoons to handle all this shit by myself and deal with my classes, but I'm not sure how to bring this up to him without turning into a crying, ranting mess.

Photobucket

This is why two lazy people (one of whom also happens to be crazy) dating/living together can occasionally cause problems. Hell, not only do I not have the spoons to deal with all this extra crap, I barely have enough in me to get out of bed and go to class these days.

Urgh, sorry to mope at y'all, I promise I usually try not to do this too often. Please feel free to spam me with mancandy or silly gifs or whatever, any little bit of cheering up would help at this point.

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"Only the educated are free..." -- Epictetus

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Cheers.

P.S. - I've been meaning to add some of y'all on Twitter because you keep coming up in my "Who To Follow" thingy, so don't freak out if any of you are suddenly followed by @AlleyCat_Allie -- that's just me.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Things That Suck vol. 4,012: Having a bunch of "pretending to be an adult" shit to do when you're in a spectacularly low mood and want nothing more than to sleep until things improve (even just a little).

It doesn't help that I can't even write to make myself feel better because my muse is still off on walkabout. Seriously, I tried to write some anyway and none of it sounded right -- I came dangerously close to throwing my laptop in frustration which, pathetically enough, would probably break my poor internet-addicted brain.

Bright sides (in a feeble attempt to make myself feel better):

1) My East coast flisties all appear to be alive and kicking
2) I have new headphones (with surprisingly good sound quality)
3) The GK re-watch yesterday was really, really fun and managed to cheer me up for a little while (I love this fandom, seriously)
4) [livejournal.com profile] looleebelle gave me this Stark picture I've never seen before )
(In the midst of an epic picspam war on Twitter, no less)

If I keep feeling this bad for too much longer, I may have to call Le Shrink and bring up the possibility that my meds aren't really working anymore. Basically, more "pretending to be an adult" stuff *facepalm*

Here, have a silly gif to make up for the whining
Photobucket

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"Only the shallow know themselves..." -- Oscar Wilde

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Dear La Famille,

I understand your desire for me to handle the nuts and bolts of terminating my current flat lease and setting up my new one (which, among other things, involves a LOT of talking on the phone), but I'm really tired of y'all waiting until I get off the phone to tell me that I said something wrong (or didn't say something I needed to, etc). The whole "Here, I'll do it *snatches phone away*" is pretty fucking irritating too. I'm aware that I suck at being a responsible adult, but I'm probably not going to learn unless people tell me how to fix what I'm doing wrong instead of just saying that I did something wrong in general. Consider working on that?

Yours in frustration,
[livejournal.com profile] emerald_skies (who, at the moment, is almost kind of missing being 17 and responsibility-free by this point)


On top of all this moving out shit, I still have to pack to head back up to university-land on Sunday, to pick up my vicious trained attack kitten from the vet tomorrow, and I still have to order my fucking textbooks.

Photobucket

I would write to make myself feel better, but my muse has fucked off too. My life, SO FUCKING HARD.

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"History is a vast early warning system..." -- Norman Cousins

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Cheers.

P.S. - Not to mention the fact that I'm trying to re-route some of my budget to get new headphones since my current ones broke (due to possible cat predations). AUGH.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Howdy doo, internets, just stopping in mostly to drop off a couple of rants.

Rant the first (warning for domestic violence discussion) )

Aaaand rant the second (which my international flisters probably won't care about) )

Blah, blah, life is hard, etc. etc. If anyone needs me, I'll just be over here moping about my first world problems.

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"Chance favors the prepared mind..." -- Louis Pasteur

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Cheers.
emerald_skies: (Default)
Um, this might go poorly for me in a ghost-town-ish sort of way, but I'll give it a shot anyway. Basically, I got this love meme thing from [livejournal.com profile] lemniciate:

THIS IS WHY YOU'RE GREAT!


My thread is here, any and all comments would be appreciated, even if it's something small like "I think your gif collection is awesome". It's been one of those days, y'know, so maybe this will help, Idk. If you guys wind up doing this too, link me to your threads so I can love on y'all in return?

Anyway, meme-age!

Day Six: When you write, do you prefer writing male or female characters?

If it's existing canon characters, I'm perfectly fine with both. I suppose I'm better at writing male characters (seven-ish years of writing slash will do that to a person), but I'm perfectly cool with tackling both. When it comes to OCs, I try to stick to guys because the unconscious temptation to turn them into self-inserts isn't quite as bad there.

That being said, have a Fassbender gif:
Photobucket

I'll be off working on fic and things for my online classes. Anyone who wants to come wave pom poms at me or something is welcome :)

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"I am a lie who always speaks the truth..." -- Jean Cocteau

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Cheers.

P.S. - Donuts fucking rock. Bad for the body, but oh so very good for the soul *om nom nom*
emerald_skies: (Default)
Welp, I found the kitten I mentioned in my last post. Between that, the really discouraging turn life took yesterday, and how the rest of this morning has pretty much sucked out loud, I officially hate everything. If anyone needs me, I'll be curled up in bed until life stops sucking quite so hard.

ETA: And I just accidentally broke my glasses (the ones I have to wear to be allowed to borrow one of the family cars -- a problem since I lack one of my own). This obviously means I must have killed a busload of nuns in a past life or something.

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"Art is the objectification of feeling..." -- Herman Melville

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Cheers.

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